


Lost Boy

by idrilhadhafang



Series: Star Wars, Episode VIII: The Last Jedi [21]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, DarkPilot, M/M, enemy husbands, enemy sex, episode nine speculation, the last jedi speculation, twisted married sex, what am I doing with my life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-23
Updated: 2017-04-23
Packaged: 2018-10-23 03:50:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10711590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: Ten facts about Ben Solo's presumed death, and what came after.





	Lost Boy

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Reunion
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

1\. The galaxy thinks that he died in that massacre.  
  
Ben Solo, after all, is dead and he deserves to be. He was weak, and foolish, and disgusting, and he deserves to be dead and unmourned. After all he failed to do, after his cowardice and weakness, after everything, he deserves to be dead.  
  
2\. When he captures Poe Dameron on Jakku, he isn't looking forward to the interrogation of his husband. In the end, he steps in when he knows that this is a last resort. The interrogations give him no pleasure, in the end. It shouldn't have had to happen; after all, they both wanted the same thing from the old man. Perhaps he was more forthcoming with Poe than he was with Kylo Ren.  
  
(He remembers what Tekka said about how he didn't rise from the Dark Side, and he bristles thinking about it. How dare Tekka remind him? Ben Solo was dead, and he deserved to be dead)  
  
So he steps into the room. Attempts to keep himself detached. Talks about how Poe is the best pilot in the Resistance -- after all, he's not ignorant to what makes a worthy opponent. It's not something he enjoys, the interrogations; they're only tasks. They're only orders. They say he is a monster, a beast who enjoys those things, but then again, they also said that he was a monster with three heads, because campfire stories always are exaggerated one way or another.  
  
Is that what he's become? The thing of campfire stories? Perhaps he has.  
  
When he interrogated Poe, they argue. Poe wants to have him home. Kylo Ren knows that it's nigh impossible. He is the monster of campfire stories and fairy tales, and there is no saving those who are monsters.  
  
He promises Poe that he will have more questions for him later. What he means is that he's already wondering if Poe will join him. It's likely Poe won't, monstrous thing that Kylo Ren is. But everyone needs someone to show off the galaxy to. For Kylo Ren, that is Poe.  
  
3\. Poe will admit that he doesn't really sleep well anymore. The last time he slept well was in Ben's company, back before Ben fell.  
  
_Fell._ Even that knowledge hurts. If it were a complete stranger who tortured him, Poe wouldn't be having all these mixed feelings, but it wasn't a complete stranger, it was his husband. His husband, who had been nothing but gentle to him all before this. Who touched him so lightly and kissed him so tenderly, who acted as if Poe were his bright center of the universe. There were hints of Ben going Dark, but...  
  
Frustrated, Poe turns on his side. He almost wishes that a complete stranger did this to him. Then he could be free to simply hate. But here, he has to hate, has to hurt, has to look over the old holos of their wedding in silence and say nothing.  
  
4\. By the time they flee from Crait to Bespin, by the time they set up shop there for a while, Poe is already seeing Doctor Gray for therapy, and has told her about Ben and what happened to him. Now he's wondering how to tell Finn and Rey. How to tell Jess, Snap and the others about what happened to Ben. He still isn't sleeping well, but he's been taking some tips from Doctor Gray as to how to sleep better.  
  
He's also been turning over in his head if it's possible to save Ben. One wouldn't think of trying to save their torturer, but considering everything...  
  
Poe can still feel his husband's pain over the link. And he knows that Snoke...Snoke isn't treating him well either. Sometimes it goes into physical punishment, but most of the time, it's emotional. He finds himself, one particularly awful night on Bespin when he can actually hear Snoke practically bellowing  
  
_you are_ mine _Kylo Ren, no other's. Do you think that you can try and betray me again?_

over the link, reaching out towards Ben.  
  
_Ben isn't anyone's property._  
  
Ben flinches away from him -- which hurts -- and Snoke likely thinks it's hilarious that a mere pilot would be trying to save him, but Poe takes some comfort in the fact that at minimum, he left a dent.  
  
5\. It's as the war draws to a close that Poe decides that he needs to do something, and that something begins with trying to save Ben.  
  
It's risky. It's risky beyond belief. There's no guarantee that it won't go wrong. And yet Poe needs to find Ben, to rescue him from Snoke. Where they'll go from there, Poe doesn't know. Maybe they'll divorce and start over. Maybe they'll divorce and never see each other again. Maybe they'll actually try to start over again.  
  
"Maybe" is what comes to mind for Poe even as he packs what he'll need, throws out what he doesn't. BB-8 beeps inquisitively, questioningly, clearly worried.  
  
"I know, buddy," Poe says. "But I have to save him. You might have to stay behind this time. He'll capture you."  
  
Another beep.  
  
"I have to. I love him."  
  
_I love him._ Those words strike Poe the moment he's said them. Because he does. After all this time, he still loves him. He loves and hates him. Perhaps those feelings were meant to coexist, battling forever in his heart.  
  
6\. Rey and Finn both beg to go with him. And even looking in their eyes, Poe's heart aches. These two beautiful beings, who helped make him better, have had such histories of abandonment and cruelty, and both, actually. It's not fair for either of them, and he momentarily thinks of staying behind, fighting in the Resistance like he should, but he thinks of Ben, who is still out there suffering. He thinks of Hordo, and how in the wake of General Organa's death, she's gone completely off the rails.  
  
And he has to do something. Maybe Hordo's gone off the rails, but Poe hasn't, and he's going to do what Han and General Organa couldn't: bring Ben home. He's going to save him.  
  
7\. So he heads out towards the building on Milara where he just knows that Ben's there. Even looking around the place, he can't help but wonder why, exactly, the Supreme Leader of the First Order would situate his Order, his future Empire, in such a wasteland. One can see where the trees caught fire, where grass was scorched -- Poe's grateful for the breath mask that he's wearing in that moment just to protect his lungs from the still-nigh-unbreathable air.  
  
Back when Snoke had gone by the name Yana, he had good as gushed about Milara and her history. Poe still doubts he knows what exactly what Snoke would build the First Order base here for. Maybe in a way, the Supreme Leader has his own brand of sentiment: patriotism.  
  
Poe allows himself to be captured. And coming face to face with Ben fully, he can't help but feel his breath hitch. Ben is as beautiful as Poe remembers him to be. Even the scar that Jaina gave him...even that doesn't detract from how lovely he looks in that moment. The other soldier's words are just nonsense in Poe's ears, except for words that suggest that there may be more Resistance members.  
  
Poe opens his mouth. "There's no one else," he says, and there's none of that sarcastic repartee that's become like a part-coping-mechanism for him. "Honest. I came here alone."  
  
And he feels a sudden sick feeling in his stomach, as if he's good as condemned the Resistance by leaving.  
  
8\. Now that he's good as put the Resistance in danger -- good one, Dameron, he thinks to himself -- the best he can do is try and appeal to Ben's better nature just to save them.  
  
"This isn't you, Ben," he says. "None of this is you. You're so much better than this."  
  
He swears that there's a flash of pain that comes into Ben's eyes -- too expressive eyes, he thinks. Too beautiful. Then Ben says, "The man Ben Solo is dead. He was weak and foolish, so I destroyed him."  
  
"Snoke tell you that?"  
  
"I found that out on my own, pilot." _Pilot._ As if they were good as strangers.  
  
Poe swallows. "Well, it's not true," he says. "Ben Solo is alive. And he's much better than you give him credit for."  
  
9\. It's just lust, Poe tells himself. Both their bodies have been deprived for too long. Poe's been untouched for too long, and Ben...Ben is practically deprived of touch. This body's been deprived and something has to give, that's all, Poe thinks even as their lips meet, even as Poe moans tasting that sweetness he hasn't tasted in six years. Even six years feels like too long. Six years feels like sixteen, twenty-six, even sixty in that moment. It's just lust, he tells himself, even as he peels away layers of Ben's clothing that seem to be designed by a sadist, even as he runs a hand over Ben's strong chest. It's just lust, he tells himself even as he places a hand on Ben's chest to feel the powerful heart beating inside it. It's just deprivation, hunger. Even as Ben runs a hand almost possessively down the side of Poe's neck, Poe feels his breath hitch. _You're mine,_ the gesture says. _Completely mine._  
  
Those hands undo Poe's clothes as well, and Poe's aware of how thick he's gotten in places. He looks up at Ben, questioning. _Do you still want me?_  
  
_Yes._  
  
There's something strange about it, even as their bodies grind together. Something that's a mixture of loving and not. It still leaves Poe moaning all the while, desperate, aching. Even between kisses and caresses, he's already aching to be filled.  
  
"Kylo." The name sounds so wrong on his lips, but he has to say it. "I need you."  
  
"You need this?" A hand goes towards Poe's buttocks. "Me, inside you?"  
  
"Please."  
  
Ben prepares him, and the preparation is torture, it truly is. Ben's fingers are wonderful, but Poe isn't full, Poe isn't even remotely full, those fingers are maddening teases, and Poe's eager for something larger. By the time Ben is finished preparing him, Poe is all but a mess. And when Ben enters him...stars, Poe is so full, so filled. He has been longing for this, aching to be filled, and Ben is so big inside him.  
  
"So tight. So hot. You've never taken another lover, never taken another spouse, have you?" Ben's voice is a purr all the while.  
  
"I...I haven't." _I never could._  
  
"You've been so...faithful to me all these years."  
  
Ben caresses his shaft, and Poe's not surprised if he's intending to make him scream loud enough for all of Milara to hear. Poe moans; the pleasure is too much, too overwhelming, and Ben's not immune to it either, judging by the little hissing sounds that escape his mouth even as he thrusts into Poe. Poe grips onto him all the while as they take each other, the stars shining above them all the while.

10\. It's long after that that they get dressed and see the Supreme Leader. Poe can already feel guilt all but spilling through him for what he's done. He can only hope that the others can forgive him for that moment of weakness, that need to connect. They pass Milaran junglecats that Snoke's decided to tame, cats that growl at the both of them all the while. Finally, they reach the Supreme Leader's throne room. Here they go, Poe thinks. Here we go -- to stand fast or to fall.  
  
The door is already open, and from the throne, Snoke smiles the sort of smile that would look more flattering on one of those junglecats he has.  
  
"Hello, Dameron," he says. "It's been some time, hasn't it?"


End file.
